Report by Daniel Mortlock:
This evening saw the latest chapter in one of the world's great sporting rivalries, an event scheduled months in advance and widely publicised on social media. It was hence most unfortunate when FIFA, with their typically lax approach to planning, announced just a few days ago that the England vs. Argentina World Cup semi-final would also be taking place this evening, with the 8pm BST kick-off just a few hours after the scheduled start time for Remnants vs. Woozlers. With many of the Woozlers understandably keen to watch the football from the first whistle we agreed to let them bat second with the idea that those players could bat up the order and head off once dismissed. It was clearly good for the game - we otherwise wouldn't have had one - but bad for our chances of winning it given our opponents' record at chasing. (It's surely unreasonable to suggest that the Woozlers slipped the FIFA leadership some money to engineer just this scenario.)
With the imperative hence to start as early as possible, the announcement was made that our batting order would be based on arrival time and most of us got to the ground to find yesterday's opening pair of Yash Verma and Lahiru Wijedasa already padded up and waiting for the opposition to assemble. Their union started quietly - after 12 balls (i.e., 10% of our innings) they'd managed just a single - but then Yash exploded to life with three consecutive boundaries and subsequently raced to the retirement score of 50* off just 35 balls. Lahiru wasn't so lucky, being well caught for 2 (off 8 balls), after which the almost as punctual Neil Grover came in and immediately attempted a trademark reverse sweep. Fortunately, that shot was parked and he instead essayed some more conventional punches down the ground, even running a two at one point. Unfortunately, like a drug dealer getting addicted to their own product, Neil eventually took the aggressive running too far, calling for a single which new partner Temoor Khan refused, leaving Neil run out for 17 off 22 balls (although most of us watching thought he'd actually made his ground). TK was, at least, unfazed by this, hitting a serenely elegant 48* off 30 balls - he too would have gone to retirement but for some absolutely superb fielding by the more athletic Woozlers who stopped four or five apparently-certain boundaries in front of the pavilion. Unfortunately, none of our other batters made it to double figures, and it was hard not to feel that our final total of 155/5 was unlikely to be enough given the conditions. (That a subsequent recount found that we'd actually scored 157/5 would not have changed this assessment.)
We started the second innings with a sequence of brilliant fielding efforts to take three wickets in the first 2 overs, thus doing our bit to get people home in time for the football. The star here was Hume Fisher at mid-on, who took one good catch off Max Ayliffe (1/27) and one great catch off Daniel Mortlock (1/26). And then, when one of the younger Woozlers called for an amibitous single, Iqtedar Alam made a great pick-up and throw, allowing 'keeper Marcus Baker to whip off the bails with an elegant flourish. Iqtedar also starred with the ball, taking 3/22 (bringing his season's record to 16 wickets at 9.50, a rare recent entry on the all-time list of best average in a season). With Sasha Vail (1/18) also picking up a wicket and bowling a tight first over we were at least in the game . . .
. . . after which basically everything went wrong, starting with the first ball of Sasha's second over. The preceding flurry of wickets necessitated an umpire change, but most of the Woozlers' top order had by now headed home to see the football, meaning that we had to wait for another of the dismissed batters to finish getting changed. We'd been waiting in position for several minutes when the replacement umpire finally emerged from the changing room . . . at which point there was the crack of bat on ball and the call of "Daniel, It's coming to you!" which induced Daniel to turn around just in time to see the ball scoot past him and over the boundary. Possibly it should have been a dead ball - the incoming umpire had only made it as far as mid-wicket - but there was no going back. Said umpire seemed to be a bad talisman for us in general and Iqtedar in particular: first a innocuous full toss which the batter hit at about mid-thigh height was called as a waist-high no ball; and then when Iqtedar was convinced he'd made the vital breakthrough, trapping the Woozlers' best batter, Ed Hyde, dead in front, the ball was deemed to be "just sliding down leg". (If football teaches us anything, it's that it's absolutely vital to whinge about all the little unfairnesses after a loss.) Ed of course then proceeded to score with absolute freedom as our fielding rather broke down, and by the time he retired in the final over just four runs were needed (although we thought it was two at the time). Hume (0/15) stretched things out with a couple of good yorkers, but then drifted down leg and the ball scooted across the boundary one last time to end the game with three balls remaining.