Report by Cam Petrie and The Remnants WhatsApp group:
A (hopefully temporary) PlayCricket scoring fail produced a flurry of messages on the WhatsApp chat in an attempt to reconstruct the Vitalstatistix of the match, and these revealed much of what happened, but it all came through in a free-form/word association approach that strained comprehension for anyone that wasn't there in person.
This message sequence started with:
They hit 139/4 I think
And we were 125/7 or so
For posterity, what follows is "based on real-life events", with the specifics in chronological order:
In keeping with the late August daylight, the captains agreed a 5:30pm start and a 13 eight-ball over format (7 from one end and 6 from the other), using a pink "leather"-clad ball of concreted cork - and this proved to be just about a perfect estimation.
Fen Ditton won the toss and chose to bat and Paul Jordan (1/22 off 3 overs) was initially bemused and then assumed his captain was taking the piss when informed that he was this evening's "pace attack", and that it would be much appreciated if he opened the bowling. Said captain was not joking, as Remnants opted for Hume Fisher to 'keep and were spoiled for choice in the spin department.
Things started fairly well as Paul and James Alvey (1/22 off 3 overs) kept the FD batters wary. Unfortunately, the pitch had a bit in it, and the outfield had a lot more, so remotely loose balls and full tosses were quickly punished and skipped across the uneven deck in a way that made out-fielding precarious. Aside from a "stone-cold" LBW for Paul and a wicket to James, we struggled to keep a lid on things - particularly stopping boundaries - and the run rate bobbled along at about tens.
The challenges of out-fielding are summed up by John Moore's attempt to stop a boundary at fine leg that saw him run to, over and/or around a ball that seemed to have a mind of its own before he yelled "possibly the loudest 'f**k' in Remnants history" as the ball trickled between the flags. (John subsequently sent his "apologies to the usually quiet hamlet of Fen Ditton".) Movement off the pitch and balls down leg from our spinners also made life tough for Hume, and single and boundary byes were unhelpfully frequent, racing away downhill of the hard, and bouncy outfield.
Change bowlers Lahiru Wijedasa (1/39 off 3 overs) and John "death from above" Moore (2/27 off 3 overs) initially came in for the same treatment, but the change of ends brought dividends as John drew a lofted shot to Cam at mid-off who was initially too casual while back pedalling, and only just realised how big the ball was getting as it went over his head, and held on with a thrown out hand. "One brings two" as they say - or even "three", as John got a second wicket in the same over, and Lahiru had a batter nick off for a brilliant caught behind by Hume.
Unfortunately, the outfield kept punishing us as James Robinson, James Alvey and Matty Wills were kept busy trying to stop balls that had unpredictable horizontal and vertical hold settings. Bruises ensued. As John noted: "Cam was fielding at mid-on and a ball landed in front of him and went off at right angles to somewhere near square-leg. It was like trying to catch that gold thing in Harry Potter."
Faruk Kara (0/20 off 1 over) managed to strain his groin and could only manage one over, and the death overs from James A and Lahiru leaked enough runs to mean that FD crept above their earlier 10 runs per over rate to score 139/4.
It was pre-ordained that James R would open the batting tonight with a view to increasing his lead in the 2025 most runs table. Unfortunately, his addition was modest as Fen Ditton started with a twin pronged spin-attack whose loopy death bombs fatally strained the patience of our entire top order. James R (2 off 5 balls) was followed in short order by Hume (10 off 8 balls), Matty (14 off 9 balls) and Neil (1 off 5 balls), who maintained the required run rate for the first 4-5 overs, but were all out to miss hits or just missing the ragging ball.
We kept ourselves in it though, as Cam (33* - or was it 35*? - off 25 balls) initially resisted the temptation, and bunted the score along with James A (12 off 16 balls) and then Lahiru (44* off 28 balls), who really showed the way by watching the looping ball, letting it bounce, and then hitting it into one of the enticing gaps on the leg side. Lahiru outpaced Cam to such a degree that he soon retired, though Cam soon followed, leaving our tail with plenty to do.
The runs required may have been marginally less, as Cam had been informed that he was on 29* and encouraged to go for a six, which he duly attempted to do, but confusion resulted. The pull shot went straight and flat to and through the deep square leg fielder missing his hands and legs, and then went over the boundary. Our umpires signalled four because neither was in a position to determine otherwise, and as Faruk noted: "There was no rope or line and I could not see where the ball bounced. When I asked the fielder, that is what he gave. It was only at the end of the game I overheard the sheepish conversation between the two fielders", which gave away that it was probably a six (and various Remnants standing on the boundary with a good view thought likewise).
It was frustrating that this happened as otherwise the game was played in good spirit, but we all know how friendly/village cricket brings out the best and the worst - and luckily the result wasn't decided by the two runs! We helped Fen Ditton out by providing a substitute fielder throughout, initially Neil, and then James and Hume, and it was jokingly suggested that our "above par substitute fielders" potentially limited our overall score (sadly we don't "count runs saved while fielding against us as negatives to our run tally").
John (0* off 1 ball) was in briefly with Cam and then set about playing a critical role as non-striking anchor to bring us home, as Dave Green (0 off 3 balls) and Paul Jordan (1 off 5 balls) were called into service, but didn't last long. Returning from retirement Lahiru was given the chance to take us to last over glory - with Remnants needing 24 off 8 balls (FD allowing us to use him rather than require the injured Faruk to pad up). Lahiru set too hitting boundaries off the first three balls, but then refused a single, before actually taking one, meaning that the necessary boundary fest was off the table and we ended on 127/7.
