Report by Daniel Mortlock:
On a gloriously sunny evening Remnants came up against an ARM side apparently so weak that their captain, the ubiquitous Sumit Sahai, decided to try some pre-match begging, noting that "our team at present isn't quite the strength it used to be at its peak" and suggesting "if you have selection choices available, please use this insider information to make informed selections." We did make some team changes, albeit only for the more prosaic reason that a few people dropped out, and kept losing batters and gaining bowlers. With ARM also able to do some effective late recruiting the end result was that we ended up being the more unbalanced side.
Having won the toss, our main hope seemed to be in keeping ARM to a sub-hundred total (something their last two opponents apparently managed), and the initial signs were good as Joe White (0/7) conceded just a scampered single from his first over. The subsequent signs were, however, almost uniformly bad. Most overs included a couple of rank half-trackers or full-tosses, and the near continuous presence of a righ-left batting combination meant our lines weren't much better; ARM's top order were more than happy to accept these gifts, and both their openers reached the retirement score of 30. The only bowlers other than Joe to concede less than 9 runs an (eight-ball) over were veterans Daniel Mortlock (2/26) and Paul Jordan (1/25), whose club-level longevity meant both were able to distract with some statistical achievements: Daniel, by claiming a return catch, simultaneously increased the club records for both most wickets and most catches; and Paul, by merely stepping on the field, extended his own records for most seasons and most consecutive seasons to an astonishing 41, a sequence stretching all the way back to his debut in 1985. Even more impressive than Paul's bowling today was his series of rather spry stops - he was running around more like a 60-year-old . . . which, unfortunately, was largely the case for the rest of us as well.
By the start of the final over of their innings, ARM already had a surely match-winning total of 150/3 but Daniel still put careful thought into who should bowl. This process took enough time that Joe was already marking out his run, only to be trolled for the second week running as Daniel instead threw the ball to John Moore in the hope of exploiting the long leg-side boundary with two right-handers finally batting together. This appeared to be a masterstroke as John's first ball was hit straight to Daniel on the mid-wicket boundary . . . which it then crossed after the catch was bungled. Not to be deterred, John bowled his man next ball - no use relying on fielders - and got another wicket later in the over to finish our best figures, 2/21.
Even if our stronger batters came off the fact that we were playing retirements meant a win was already vanishingly unlikely; but Cam Petrie at least gave ARM a fright as he raced to 28 off his first 15 balls before being pegged back, eventually being called in on 30* off 25. Combined with some remarkable strike-rotation (i.e., repeatedly scoring a single of the last ball of the over) it meant that Cam reached retirement while his opening partner, John Young, was yet to score, having faced just two deliveries. Even when Joe (31* off 24 balls) picked up where Cam left off and Andy Owen (27 off 25 balls) brought his cut shot out of retirement with his new bionic shoulder, we never looked like getting close to ARM's total. Not that the inevitability of the result seemed clear to Sumit, who kept rallying his players, albeit at one point by shouting "Come on NCI!" (one of the many other sides he plays for). The final over at least had a pleasing symmetry, as John (11 off 16 balls) was able to see out the game with bat in hand - or at least should have, but was bowled off the penultimate delivery, giving Paul (0* off 1 ball) the chance to break in his shiny new pads.
