Report by Marcus Baker (but to be read in the voice of Richard Briers):
Finding myself long on time and short of amusement, I hurried round to where I garage my motor and swung the roadster round to the paddock at Fen Ditton. Old "Blanco" White had told me he was leading a few chaps there and, being a sport-minded fellow, decided a contest of cork on willow would best see off the rest my evening. By the time I arrived and dished out my "what ho"s, Remnants - "Blanco's" team you know - seemed to have seen a few chaps come and go to the wicket with varying success. Old "Ducky" Aycock hit a few mighty blows. But I must admit it was an enjoyable sight seeing father and son duo Stephen and Matthew Doel (no relation) have a crack together, with Stephen, the more, er, mature of the pair, reach and retire on making 50. A final score of 124 seemed about par considering the tricky track and offish outfield. Do not mistake my sentiments, one was certainly not likely to have their cap knocked from their brow. A closer truth would be to say that runs had to be earned through hard work.
The second innings began in jolly circumstances thanks to the efforts of the Doel . . . the younger and taller one I mean. Two early wickets had the hosts on the back foot from whence old "Blanco" (1/17) and the rest of the lads gave little in the way of relief. Old "Ducky" Aycock and old "Ducky" Chouksey gave fine account of themselves. Meanwhile, old "Buster" Jordan - knew him as younger man you know - claimed a tidy couple of wickets putting the pickle in the barrel. I don't mind telling you though, all the chaps very much flung themselves around especially old "Ducky" Simmance. Whilst old "Stumper" Baker, I know his people, spent his time with his nose to the bails.
Tell you what though, those Fen Ditton chaps always kept their toe in the contest. What use a toe would do I don't know, but that's beyond the point. Needing to tie down the dying overs old "Blanco" needed reliable shoulders to see off any threat by the fellows in white. Old "Bingo" Ahmed, an old hat on his good days, seemed the right choice. And so it proved to be. 18 runs the margin in Remnants benefit thanks to "Bingo's" four wickets for just two runs. Supposedly. I did not see it myself. There seemed to be an issue with the light reflecting fully into my iris.
None the less, there were hand shakes and lashings of back slaps by all. With the contest concluded I returned at stanza to my digs for a late supper of snorkers, egg and chips.