. . . and we interrupt the main program to bring you ``up to the minute'' news of a major disaster at the Fitzwilliam Cricket ground, where fatal injuries have been sustained by egoes of up to eleven amateur cricketers. At present the details are sketchy, but it seems likely to be the result of a strike by a small, well organised force with, according to eye-witness reports, ``excellent ball skills and PhDs''. There have been suggestions that this represents the re-emergence of the so-called ``Cavendish Laboratory'', believed to have been responsible for similar devastation in the past. Whilst they have not yet claimed responsibility, it is known figure code-named ``Ari'' played a central role in the day's events, using his signature club-like weapon to break through the flimsy Remnants defenses.
Les Collings, at the scene of the devestation, was unfortuantely unable to transmit a full story, but he did manage to give an impression of the situation at the ground an hour or two later, describing nightmare images of broken men comforting each other with vats of alcohol known locally as ``ale''. There was, however, a ray of hope in the darkness, with one Remnant, believed to have ascended temporarily to the leadership in this time of crisis, still defiant to the end with his rallying cry of ``I'm not tryin' to be funny, mate, but if we'd 'ave 'ad fifteen more runs . . .''
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And now we're finally getting some more reports from the ground. It seems now that Remnants actually made the first attack, although whilst Nick Clarke (15), Andrew Lea (17) and Stas Shabala (13) all made valiant efforts to score points, it was only Phil Hastings (26), a new recruit, who managed to land any serious blows.
It was at about this point that The Cavendish made their swift and irresistable counter-attack. Les Collings and Andy Owen (both 1/13) made it as difficult as possible for the enemy, and there are unconfirmed reports that ``Ari'' was actually vulnerable at one point, nearly being caught by our forces. After that the only success was that of Chris MacNeill (2/38), who claimed two enemy scalps, albeit at horrendous personal cost.